Erikcorn Vs. The Harlot Queen
In which Sparky and Dai do what they do best: bend the PotO canon and have their way with it while it sobs brokenly and begs us to stop. For explanation, Dai was watching the movie with an inverted screen. Daichu: I like how Erik is now glowing white Sparky: HE'S MAGICAL 8D Daichu: like his pure virginity Daichu: and Chrissie is all dark green and tainted Sparky: I lol'd Sparky: cause clearly she's a whore Daichu: huh Daichu: I guess that means Raoul's a glowing white and pure virgin as well Daichu: ... Daichu: like unicorns Sparky: /snrks Sparky: This is why Erik and Raoul need to be together Daichu: so they can be glowing white virginal unicorns together? Sparky: Bet Chrissie slept with like...Buquet or something Sparky: Yes Daichu: I like how people think the moving arm candleabras are real Daichu: when this scene shows they were obviously an acid trip Sparky: Srsly? Sparky: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE NOT REAL D8 Daichu: I'm sorry, they are Daichu: they're people Erik caught sneaking around Daichu: and he chained them up inside the wall Sparky: .... Sparky: That's better Sparky: B( Daichu: CHRISSIE, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THE UNICORN Daichu: YOU ARE NOT PURE Sparky: ... Sparky: /status'd Daichu: c: Sparky: Yay Andre strokes Sparky: that sounds so dirty Daichu: pfff Sparky: Dont mind Erik Sparky: Just stroking his Andre Daichu: ha Daichu: ha Daichu: ha Daichu: all the guys are glowing white Daichu: UNICORNS EVERYWHERE Sparky: OF COURSE NOT Daichu: and Carlotta Daichu: is green Sparky: HA Sparky: Which means she slept with Chrissie Daichu: she looks like a Sesame Street reject Sparky: fffff Daichu: wait Daichu: no Daichu: Giry is a unicorn as well Daichu: .... Daichu: .... Sparky: :T Daichu: I guess Meg is adopted then Sparky: Probably Sparky: M. Giry does have a habit of picking up children from circuses Daichu: oh, fancy Daichu: Erik has glowing white ink Sparky: Magical unicorn ink Daichu: "The vicomte, her lover" Daichu: HOW DARE YOU SULLY THE NAME OF A UNICORN Sparky: Of course she has to blame Raoul Sparky: So no one will suspect her Daichu: ... Daichu: I like how this story has suddenly turned into a bunch of unicorns seeking the taint of one girl Daichu: ...wait, no, still the same story Daichu: oop, that guy isn't a glowing white Daichu: Red streak hair guy, how could you Sparky: 8'( Sparky: Go to the chapel and ask Daddy Daae's forgiveness Sparky: I MUST SEE THESE DEMANDS ARE REJECTED Daichu: I like how Erik and Raoul are the brightest and whitest of the unicorns Daichu: ...... Daichu: and the darkest tainted man Daichu: is the dwarf Sparky: Well of course Sparky: he's satan Daichu: oh, right Daichu: how could I have forgotten Daichu: yes, take away Carlotta's phazon watter Daichu: *water Daichu: look Buquet Daichu: a unicorn :o Sparky: I think I'm ahead of you Sparky: XD Daichu: yeah, a bit Daichu: everyone on stage is tainted Daichu: obviously, this is offensive and vile Daichu: the unicorns love the taint Sparky: it does ahve adultery Sparky: and gay overtones Daichu: and so the purest of the unicorns expressed his anger Sparky: Buquet Sparky: the unicorn is chasing you Daichu: in unicorn land, unicorns hunt the hunter Sparky: and then you get dead Daichu: unicorns can be pissy creatures Daichu: Erik, that's not the unicorn way Daichu: unicorns stab Sparky: He didn't want to get anything on his horn Daichu: I suppose Daichu: you can't spell gore without... gore Sparky: Buquet was full of booze and twinkies Sparky: That would be a bitch to get out Daichu: yeah Daichu: nooooo Daichu: Raoulicorn, don't be lured off by the taint Sparky: TOO LATE Daichu: oh god, there's black ash everywhere Daichu: FLEE, RAOULICORN, FLEE Sparky: And now Erik's pissed Sparky: It's too late for Raoulicorn Sparky: Erikicorn is pissed Sparky: and will wreak his virginal havoc upon him Daichu: ..... Daichu: it looks like the apocalypse happened Daichu: or santa exploded Sparky: Santa probably exploded Daichu: NOOOOOOOO Daichu: Erikorn did it because he was pissed, right? Sparky: Yep Sparky: caught the cagey bastard trying to leave presents Daichu: bastard Daichu: now there's bits of fried santa in everyone's manes Sparky: Especially Chrissie's Sparky: the hor Daichu: aww Daichu: Raoulicorn is the sweetest of the unicorns Daichu: even to the HOR Sparky: I see Erikcorn will have to get the taser :|a Daichu: noooooo Sparky: or the branding iron Daichu: Raoulicorn is young and doesn't know any better Sparky: Take your pick Raoulicorn Daichu: D: Daichu: D8 Sparky: Look if you don't learn now, you'll go around hugging all kinds of harlots Sparky: That is not the unicorn way Daichu: but but but the harlots know how to touch my horn :< Sparky: THEY ARE NOT PURE B| Daichu: I love how you can rewrite this based entirely on the visuals Daichu: just ignore what they're all saying, just watch Daichu: now it's a story of Erik protecting his herd from the temptations of the taint Sparky: oh god Sparky: /writes badfic Daichu: /writes OMG THIS IST HEBESTEST FIC EVARS reviews Sparky: Look at Erik all sad Daichu: damn you, harlot flower Daichu: I have lost another young stallion Sparky: "SHE'S GONNA GET HER TAINT ALL OVER YOU." Sparky: Erikcorn: Raoul ;A; Sparky: Erikcorn: He was my favoritest Daichu: Erikcorn: He had such pretty hair :< Sparky: Erikcorn: YOU WILL CURSE THE DAY YOU TOUCHED THAT SKANK BECAUSE THE PHANTOM WILL SHANK YOUUUUU Daichu: he screamed into the ashes of children's dreams Daichu: old!Raoulicorn remembers the harlot who tainted him all those years ago Sparky: Erikcorn is watching from afar Daichu: obviously, Giry was the only woman he could trust Daichu: for she was still pure Daichu: oh no, the taint is on Raoul D: Sparky: D: Sparky: See that's what he gets Sparky: for touching harlots Sparky: Erikcorn will not take him back now Daichu: unless he is cleansed Sparky: Idk if that's possible Sparky: Chrissie's like Sparky: Queen of the harlots Daichu: Erikcorn tries Sparky: She was with Carlotta and Buquetr Daichu: with baptism Sparky: Buquet Daichu: and god knows who else Sparky: Prolly Andre and Firimin too Daichu: ... Daichu: yeah, Firmin is looking pretty tainted Daichu: also Daichu: Meg is looking really tainted Daichu: ...new theory Sparky: Because Meg is a prostitute Daichu: Unicorns glow blue when they are really mad Sparky: :O Daichu: not blue Daichu: [http://i455.photobucket.com/albums/qq274/DaiShutian/ErikcornsUnicornRage.jpg?t=1287730798 cyan] Sparky: ffffff Daichu: and Raoulicorn flees, terrified of the herd leader Sparky: As he should Sparky: THe herd leader has brought out his horn Daichu: another theory Daichu: that thing Erikcorn snatches? Daichu: It's Raoulicorn's virginity Sparky: :oa Daichu: he takes it back to try and cleanse him Daichu: come on, stupid boy, the herd leader is pissed off like woah at you Daichu: oh dear Daichu: I wonder what the herd leader's past will look like Sparky: .... Sparky: say it don't spray it duder Sparky: uh oh Sparky: Raoulicorn hath brought out his horn Sparky: against his herd leader Sparky: Erikcorn is most unamused Daichu: how dare he challenge Daichu: :o Daichu: oh no Daichu: no wonder Erikcorn was so angry at the tainted Daichu: they were so mean to him in his youth Sparky: Hitting him with sticks n' shit Daichu: and so Giry hid the purest of the unicorns away from the tainted Sparky: and in turn Sparky: became pure herself Daichu: unlike the other tainted ballerinas Sparky: all of this Sparky: needs to go in their wikis Daichu: yes Daichu: we need to do a quick write up of the story of the unicorns Daichu: and put it in the wiki Daichu: like... in the crack section or something Sparky: yes Daichu: oh no Daichu: oh no no no Daichu: Raoulicorn is so tainted Sparky: Erikcorn is going to dispose of the tainted harlot himself Sparky: by leaving her in a cemetary Daichu: and now the Queen of Harlots is passing herself off as a unicorn Daichu: what treachery Sparky: God yes Sparky: Erikcorn sees through her charade Daichu: for only a harlot would be in this smog-filled place willingly Sparky: Erikcorn: Look at that harlot /drives away Daichu: god, this must be her citadel Daichu: look at all the ash and smog Sparky: And then Raoulicorn had to be stupid and chase after her Daichu: maybe it's because she stole his purity and he went chasing after her to get some of it back... Daichu: that's where her glowing whiteness came from Daichu: and why Raoulicorn's looking so gross Sparky: holy shit Sparky: /just inverted her colors |D Daichu: :D Daichu: now you too can follow the story Daichu: dammit, stop dragging Raoulicorn's purity through the ashes Sparky: She can't help it Sparky: She is a harlot after all Sparky: Harlots have very little regard for unicorns' purity Daichu: and so Erikcorn pretended to be the Queen's father, a demon Daichu: but the cyan color of unicorn rage gave him away Daichu: and Erikcorn, though his rage subsided to the surprise of how far Raoulicorn had fallen, leapt from atop the citadel to put the poor tainted unicorn out of his filthy misery Sparky: But being in such close proximity of two tainted weakened the unicorn leader Daichu: also, the cut he landed released Raoulicorn's liquid unicorn rage, and he gained the upperhand Sparky: pfffft Daichu: oh no Daichu: Erik is covered in taint D: Daichu: what happen Sparky: He got too close ;A; Daichu: THE HARLOT HAS STOLEN SOME OF HIS PURITY Sparky: So the only way to cure himself Daichu: WILL SHE NEVER BE SATISFIED Sparky: is to kill the harlot Sparky: Raoulicorn Sparky: You're not just tainted anymore Sparky: you're super tainted Sparky: That means death Sparky: this is the unicorn way Daichu: that's what happens when you submit to the Harlot Queen Sparky: /stares at Chrissie's hair Daichu: it's like... glowing white wool Daichu: Erikcorn knew his time was short, his purity gone, stolen by the Harlot Queen, so he planned out the murder of the tainted queen and the fallen unicorn Daichu: this is Erikcorn's kind of play Daichu: none of this tainted bullshit, and full of UNICORN RAGE Sparky: Not just unicorn rage Sparky: RIGHTEOUS UNICORN RAGE Daichu: with only the prostitutes and HARLOT QUEEN showing their taint Sparky: Erikcorn did this to weed out the pure and tainted Daichu: he disguises his own lost purity to keep the Harlot Queen from discovering his plan Daichu: Madame Giry recognizes him anyway, horrified at the signs of taint on him Daichu: Raoul, too, is horrified, seeing the once great leader crippled like this Sparky: it was the last ditch effort to save his lost herdmate Sparky: and to put an end to the Harlot Queen's reign once and for all Sparky: Erikcorn knew it was certain death for him. But hopefully Raoulicorn could be saved in time. Hopefully. Daichu: for though he was fading fast, the leader of the unicorns hoped to save Raoulicorn's purity by turning the Harlot Queen's attentions upon himself Daichu: Raoulicorn is distraught, understanding the great lengths the unicorn leader was taking for his sake Daichu: Alas, the queen has seen through Erikcorn's ruse, and she rips away his mask, revealing the cancerous taint she had given him Daichu: Horrified, the other unicorns flee as the Harlot Queen's wrath brings the theatre down on their heads Sparky: The taint, so horrible, had distorted the unicorn leader's once beautiful face Sparky: ...eh it wasn't that bad Daichu: the taint hadn't had time to really make him ugly Sparky: Piangi was tainted, Carlotta, eh had to die Sparky: lol Piangicorn Daichu: pfffff Sparky: CARLOTTACORN! Daichu: Rushing to the herd leader's aid, Raoulicorn's taint became more obvious as he descended into the sacred lair of Erikcorn Sparky: Raoulicorn knew. He was Erikcorn's only hope. The Harlot Queen had to be destroyed. Daichu: The Harlot Queen emerged, wearing her taint openly, for the final showdown between herself and the ruined unicorn leader Sparky: Erikcorn was ready, ready to die for his herd and for Raoulicorn, his long lost love. Daichu: Full of despair for his lost herdmate, Erikcorn gives the Queen Raoulicorn's virginity, forever ruined Sparky: The Harlot Queen turns then to show Erikcorn how much his taint had spread. He was quickly falling to her power Daichu: Erikcorn restrains Raoulicorn so he can't do something stupid while empowered by the cut in his arm, still oozing unicorn rage Daichu: I think Erikcorn's taint has driven him mad Sparky: He was the purest of the unicorn Sparky: He was a speshul snowflake Daichu: he couldn't handle the taint Sparky: nope Daichu: Weeping, Erikcorn realizes he cannot defeat her Daichu: He has fallen too far Daichu: now Daichu: is Raoulicorn going to go with the Harlot Queen and destroy her himself Daichu: or has he also fallen too far and goes with her to her citadel Sparky: Despite his best efforts Sparky: the taint was just too strong Daichu: Having no more use for it, the Harlot Queen returns Raoulicorn's spent virginity Daichu: Erikcorn weeps for his herd, doomed to fall to the Harlot Queen Sparky: With Raoulicorn's spent virginity shed, the Harlot Queen took her newest slave and left the heartbroken herd leader to wallow in his pity Daichu: Wrought with despair, smashes the magical unicorn mirrors and departs to die in peace Daichu: well Daichu: not peace, but something Sparky: Or to take a dip in the replenshing fountain Sparky: that he would've shared with Raoulicorn if he hadn't been such a whore. Daichu: srsly Daichu: Many years later, Raoulicorn visits the memorial for the Queen, a stone slab that told of the travesties the queen wrecked on the land of the unicorns Daichu: He had been kept alive, miraculously, because Erikcorn had kept his discarded virginity, and he slowly regained his purity after the Queen fell Sparky: Raoulicorn looks in disbelief for his former leader, but does not find him to his dismay Daichu: this is even sadder than the original story Daichu: poor Erikcorn Sparky: /hugs him ;A; Daichu: /strokes his pretty mane Daichu: /doesn't care that it was a rug Sparky: He just wanted to save Raoulicorn from the taint Sparky: but he couldn't because Raoulicorn is a ingrate Sparky: an Daichu: foolish young unicorn Daichu: it's okay to look, even to pretend you have the taint, but as soon as you get it for real, you're screwed Sparky: 8( Sparky: /snubs Raoulicorn Daichu: aww Daichu: he just wanted to be cool Sparky: /SNUBS Sparky: Daifu that was awesome Daichu: god, it was Sparky: I wonder if other phantom fans have awesome canon reviewing sessions like we do :|a Sparky: phantom casts Daichu: hah Daichu: hah Daichu: canon reviewing Daichu: more like canon bastardizing Sparky: |D Category:Crack